From this month’s Harpers (which, by the way, should just get over itself and start putting its stuff online like every other media outlet in the world):
From a police report filed as evidence in the assault trial of William Singhlagah, twenty-seven, of Whakatane, New Zealand. In April, Singhlagah was found guilty and ordered to pay $350 to his victim, who was not named in court documents because he is a minor.
On Saturday, February 9, at about 8 p.m., the Defendant, William Singhlagah, was with a group of associates walking along Eivers Road.
The Defendant was carrying a hedgehog.
He approached to within five meters of the fifteen-year-old Complainant and threatened to throw the hedgehog at him.
The Complainant asked him not to do this.
That last sentence—terse, nicely paced, perfect—that last sentence slays me.